Following on from my recent post about relationship red flags i wanted to write a brief article about what i believe to be one of the biggest red flags of all when considering a woman for a LTR-the presence of an ex-boyfriend lurking in the background.
From your point of view, nothing good can come from a girl who keeps an ex in the wings.
I generally don’t believe that men and women can be friends without at least one or the other having some interest in the other beyond just ‘friendship.’ This is especially true when that person happens to be their ex. Someone they spent many intimate moments with, perhaps shared their deepest secrets and desires and once maybe planned a long future together.
Of course most reasonably attractive girls will keep their fair share of orbiters in the midst, but when this includes perhaps one or more ex boyfriends then alarm bells should ring in your head. Many guys would sleep with their ex again, especially after some time has passed since the relationship ended, they are going through a dry spell or just happen to bump into her when she is wasted.
Remember that women are extremely good at rationalising lies and reasoning away bad behaviour in a way that leaves most men scratching their heads in bewilderment. How many women have you met that have boyfriends or even husbands and will gladly go home with you that night? Exactly. You have to be particularly careful about this kind of scenario in places such as SEA, where good looking women are chased by older provider types on a daily basis and have multiple suitors waiting to step in should you fuck up or decide to leave for a few weeks.
I experienced something similar to this after recently breaking up with a particularly attractive Vietnamese female.
I knew she had been in contact with her ex throughout our relationship, one of the reasons for its demise, but the extent and regularity of this only became apparent afterward. I key logged my laptop one day and garnished her facebook and email passwords and was shocked at what i found. In fact this is something that i would recommend doing for your own protection, obviously depending on the laws of your country, but to see if a woman is truly honest about her life it doesn’t hurt to delve into her phone or facebook once in a while if you get the chance. I guarantee you will be surprised or shocked at the findings.
Anyway back to the Vietnamese girl. There had been marriage proposals, promises of eternal love etc etc. You get the picture. Within a few weeks of breaking up with me she had moved in with the ex, was holidaying with him (him paying of course) and generally going about her business as if i had never existed.
So a cautionary tale guys. During those initial few weeks and months when you’re screening her for a LTR always make sure you ask her this, ‘Are you still in contact with any ex boyfriends‘ If she says yes, i would run away, fast.